Thursday, August 10, 2006

I Miss That Girl...

"Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart
Life aint always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life ain't always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride..."

--Gary Allan, "Life Ain't Always Beautiful"

I'm frustrated. I've had a hard time going to sleep lately, no matter how late I stay up, and I can't seem to shut my mind off when I need to. I'm tired of being tired, and being grouchy with people. I'm tired of going home every afternoon in a rather bad mood (though that's not entirely because of my lack of sleep). I've prayed about it at times, and at other times, I feel downright stubborn and just seem to want to fix everything myself. Agh!!
I need a really good, crushing bear hug right now...
In high school-- back before I ever dated anybody-- I was a smiling, cheerful girl most all of the time. Somebody even asked me one time why I smiled so much. I haven't been that girl for some time now...part of it's just growing up and facing the real world, but part of it's my own fault...but I don't know how to get back to that girl again. I've grown a bit pessimistic and sarcastic over the years...what started out as a defense/coping mechanism slowly became a part of my personality the longer I used it. It's definitely not the most attractive part of my personality-- though some do like my sarcasm. :) I want to find my way back to the girl I once was...albeit a more mature version...but the question is how...

2 comments:

Mike said...

That's the real trick, isn't it? How do we take those good traits from our innocent days and grow into them maturely without becoming a bit of something we really don't want to be? I've got no answers, but if you figure it out, please share! :-)

Heather said...

I used to wake up praying in the morning. It's hard to have a bad day when you talk to God first. Yes those things still happen, the annoying patrons, the lack of sleep.... But if God's right there, RIGHT there, it doesn't seem quite so tough... I used to wake up praying in the morning... why did I stop?

"Every experience God gives us, every person he puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future only he can see." ~ Corrie Ten Boom